This article was originally published on BLAC Detroit.

Talking about sex can be tricky, but these are some of the best for revealing conversations that should started. Being open and honest about what you both want will bring you both closer and ultimately have better sex in the process. So whether you are with someone new or in a relationship, it’s always a good sign of a healthy exchange when you talk seriously and honestly about sex. First things first, is your connection ready for sex or is it just an intense connection? Start with these sex conversation starters and see where it leads you.

Let's talk about sex.
Let’s talk about sex.

Maybe you want to know how your partner feels about the act of sex, what’s in and what’s out? How do you find a good way to slow things down or speed up with offense? BLAC has compiled a list of 69 Sex conversation starters for different phases of a sexual experience. See how others have started the conversation and craft you own words and ways of communication.

1Start With Some Get-to-Know-your-Lover Questions 

  • 1 When you think of sex, what comes to mind? (Jot down any words, images, and associations that come to mind).
  • 2 What does sex mean to you?
  • 3 What is important to know about you sexually?
  • 4 What aspects of your sexual life do you value and would you like to keep? To hold on to?
  • 5 What aspects of your sexual life would you still like to experience?
  • 6 Think of your most intense (best) sexual experience, has it happened or is it still to come?
  • 7 When do you feel most erotic?
  • 8 When do you feel most free in your relationship?
  • 9 Is there something sexual you long for?
  • 10 What’s a sexual dilemma for you?
  • 11 How do you experience love and sex, love without sex, and sex without love?
  • 12 When do you feel most attractive?
  • 13 In which situation do you feel most tense?
  • 14 A person that strongly influenced you sexually is…?
  • 15 What is an event in your sexual history that stands out?
  • 16 What was your first sexual experience, and how different is it today?
  • 17 What’s the best compliment you like to receive?
  • 18 Do you ever introduce new ideas in your sexual relationship?
  • 19 Do you initiate sex?
  • 20 Do you expect to initiate sex?

2Play a Round of Make Believe

  • 21 Do you like make-up sex?
    22 Do you seek out information about new love making techniques?
    23 How comfortable are you with nudity?
    24 Do you take pleasure in all your senses when you make love?
    25 When you are bored sexually, what do you do to change that?
    26 Do you have spontaneous thoughts, images, or daydreams?
    27 Do you like to look at your partner and be seen when you make love?
    28 Do you want sexual exclusiveness in your relationships?
    29 Are you comfortable discussing the topic of sexual boundaries and monogamy with your partner?
    30 When was the first time you masturbated? How did you feel?
    31 Do you masturbate and what is the experience like?
  • 32 Is there anything, physical or emotional, that you feel during masturbation that you wish you felt during sex?

3Like and Dislikes

  • 33 What is the role of sex in your life?
  • 34 Do you prefer sex or chocolate?
  • 35 How do you like to be touched? (Do you know how you like to be touched?)
  • 36 Where do you like to be touched?
  • 37 Do you like to talk during sex? If so, do you prefer sweet talk or dirty talk?
  • 38 What’s forbidden for you sexually?
  • 39 Do you use online dating sites?
  • 40 Do you think of other sexual partners when you’re with your partner?
  • 41 Do you sometimes feel daring in sex?
  • 42 What is more difficult for you: to think and talk about sex or to do it?
  • 43 What do you want most erotically with your partner?
  • 44 What turns you off sexually?
  • 45 What turns you on sexually?
  • 46 When is sex most pleasurable?
  • 47 When do you think of being naughty?
  • 48 Do you ever fantasize of same sex partners?

4Do Some Serious Soul Searching

  • 49 What is a vulnerability around your sexuality that you struggle with?
  • 50 What is a vulnerability around sex you think your partner struggles with?
  • 51 Do you have a sexual memory that you don’t like?
  • 52 When do you feel most beautiful?
  • 53 Are there things in your sexuality that scare you?
  • 54 When do you feel most shame?
  • 55 Is there a barrier you’d like to cross?
  • 56 When do you feel most untouchable?
  • 57 What’s your favourite pose?
  • 58 When do you feel most dull?
  • 59 What are the rules of sex in your life?
  • 60 Do you sometimes pretend?
  • 61 How comfortable are you communicating your sexual wants or dislikes?
  • 62 Do you feel confident exploring your sexuality?
  • 63 Do you like fulfilling your partner’s wants?
  • 64 What are your guilty pleasures?

  • 65 Something I’d like to change in relationship to my sexuality is…?
  • 66 How has your sexuality changed over time?
  • 67 What is your relation to your body?
  • 68 When is sex most pleasurable?
  • 69 Who are you as a lover?

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